Dumb and Dumber

I hope you guys have a taste for parody and a tongue-in-cheek look at events of the week!

Another episode or 3 in a new serial called Dumb and Dumberer – the SARU Story, is playing out right in front of our eyes this week again.

In Episode 1, one of the lead actors, let’s call him “Hoss”… short for Hoskins… opens his mouth, sticks both feet firmly in… and then continues to look stupid.

In Episode 2, “Kallie Karnallie”… short for Kallie Kriel… puts Hoss in his place, treats him like a school child, leaving Hoss in the fetal position and sucking his thumb in the corner.

In Episode 3, the knight on a white horse arrives… errrr sorry the script was changed to a “Brommer op ‘n Drol”… He tries to rip both of Hoss’ feet out of his mouth and declares that the feet did not belong there in the first place, yet acknowledging that foot in mouth disease, has flash-back effects much like Malaria does.

Like all soapies, this is a lot of tripe, to be followed by the brainless masses…

Well, if you can’t beat them, join them I say! If they can all talk the biggest load of bollocks, then surely I can paint them into a corner and twist the knife for good effect, can’t I?

(PS! Folks, take this with a pinch of salt, no a heap of salt, this is just an attempt to bring mirth to a subject which normally peeves off the average Joe in South Africa!)

Episode 1 & 2 – Hoskins & AfriForum:

Oregan Hoskins

A legal team is preparing to submit an official complaint to the IRB against SARU’s proposed quota system, civil rights organisation AfriForum said on Monday.

AfriForum chief executive Kallie Kriel said IRB rules prohibited racial discrimination and political interference in rugby.

“SARU’s instruction to the Springbok coach is a crude form of racial discrimination and an indication that SARU has surrendered to the quota threats of the Minister of Sport, Fikile Mbalula,” Kriel said in a statement.

AfriForum’s legal team would look into the possibility of opening a case with the International Court for Arbitration in Sport.

It was reported on Monday that SARU president Oregan Hoskins had sent a message to Springbok coach Heyneke Meyer about having a greater representation of blacks in the national team.

Hoskins said he personally delivered the message to Meyer.

“We need to give black players, specifically ‘African blacks’, more chances in the team,” he said.

“I spoke to the coach and he agreed, the time is right for this. I believe we will already see a change or two against Scotland this coming weekend.”

Kriel said it was not in the interest of South African rugby, players or the supporters of the sport for Saru to “blatantly contravene” the IRB’s rules.

AfriForum supported rugby development, and wanted everyone to have the opportunity to participate in the sport, he said.

“A racial quota system disadvantages all talented players of all races,” Kriel said.

“White players are disadvantaged because they are excluded from participation based on their race and the validity of the inclusion of black players in teams is by default suspect.”

AfriForum’s complaint was based on by-law 3 of the IRB rules and regulations. It compels the IRB to prevent any form of racial discrimination in rugby.

Regulation 20 determines that any action in rugby which entails racial discrimination amounts to “misconduct”.

The IRB may institute disciplinary steps against any rugby body that violates these rules.

“SARU and government should address their own failure to develop young talent at school level with development programmes rather than playing the numbers game in a top-down manipulation of the sport,” Kriel said.

Episode 3 – Roux to the rescue:

Jurie Roux

The pressure may be on Heyneke Meyer to select more ‘black African’ players, but transformation is not the Springbok coach’s responsibility.

The dreaded ‘T-word’ – which has been voiced unstintingly by politicians in recent months – received more airtime on Monday when South African Rugby Union President Regan Hoskins made it clear he wants to see more non-white faces in the national team.

Hoskins said he personally spoke to the Bok coach, Meyer, and said players like Teboho Mohoje, Sibusiso Sithole, Lwazi Mvovo, Siya Kolisi and Trevor Nyakane must get opportunities sooner rather than later.

The SARU boss said he was referring specifically to ‘black Africans’, when he suggested some changes could be made ahead of SA’s one-off Test against Scotland in Port Elizabeth this coming Saturday.

SARU Chief Executive Jurie Roux confirmed that Hoskins had spoken to the Bok coach about the vexed issue of more black players in the national team, but added that it is not up to the Bok coach to bring these players through the ranks.

He suggested transformation is a much bigger issue than just how many non-white (or black Africans) play for the Boks.

“It is wider rugby’s job – from age group level, Cup, Currie Cup and Super Rugby level upwards to provide the volume of talented players – black African, coloured and white – from which our national coaches can pick what we hope will be world-beating teams,” Roux said.

Roux added that all SARU’s national coaches are aware of the need to be sensitive to transformation, as they sit most in the public eye.

“There has not been a SARU president who has not discussed the issue of transformation with the national coach,” the CEO said.

“The topic is at the top of our agenda and we do not shy away from that.”

“But what became evident from the work of the Eminent Persons’ Group is that although significant progress has been made in terms of transformation, the development of black African sports stars in sports such as ours – as well as others – had lagged.”

Hoskins’ discussion with Meyer came in the wake of the revelation that the South African Sports Confederation and Olympic Committee came out and praised SARU for its effort in transformation, contrary to the popular perception that the union has no transformation plans.

SASCOC CEO Tubby Reddy last week said he was pleased with the steps taken by SARU thus far.

Hoskins admitted that there is “pressure from above” to give black players more opportunities at national level.

Episode 4 onwards – The Circus continues:

As we have become accostomed to, the circus is in town and will continue to perform, to ever dwindling numbers around the ring.

Expect fireworks from the baddies in the story, “Tony Polony”… short for Tony Ehrenreich… and “Sas de Kock”… short for SASCOC… who will pull a couple of bazookas out of nowhere, threaten to blast everybody to smithereens and then again disappear like ghosts in the night, till next time!